There will be Boring Brian from accounts, Lecherous Lee from production and Forgetful Felicity from admin.

Board director Jeremy will be valiantly trying to look interested when Derek from building management talks him through the new air-conditioning system; while Emma in design will be doing everything she can to attract the attention of Brad, the preppy-looking American intern.

Yes, it’s the annual office party and like sprouts on Christmas Day, you can’t avoid it.

No matter how pressing your “family commitments”, it would be professional suicide to skip the firm’s shindig, and equally unwise to behave badly, just because your boss is buying the drinks. 

And then there’s the delicate question of what to buy Whiffy Wendy for her Secret Santa gift. Do you drop a huge hint and buy her a trio of toothpaste, soap and deodorant, knowing all your colleagues will snigger knowingly – or play it safe and get her a pot plant instead?

So, if these and other seasonal dilemmas risk spoiling the work “do” for you this December, I have compiled an A to Z of office Christmas parties and how to survive them.

A: Anxiety or Alcohol. The former is what you feel when you can’t remember your boss’s name after consuming too much of the latter.

B: Body odour. Remember, when you’re trying to impress someone on the dance floor with your John Travolta impression, your personal hygiene will be at a premium.

C: Conga. Compulsory activity, designed to break down the barriers between young and old, senior and junior, shy and outgoing. To be avoided if you are wearing high heels. Also stands for Cheesecake, similarly compulsory at corporate dinners.

D: Dad dancing. How the managing director struts his stuff.

E: Extra work. The definition of trying to make polite chit chat with your boss’s wife or with Trevor from IT.

F: Food poisoning. A by-product of eating catered chicken in mayo or prawns on a stick that have been left out too long on the buffet table. Also stands for flirting, an activity often regretted the day after.

G: Groping. What pot-bellied older men think they can get away with, just because it’s the season of goodwill. They confuse it with harmless flirting, above, which can lead to a sexual harassment charge, see S below.

H: Hangover. Almost inavoidable at this time of year.

I: Innuendo. See Groping above.

J: Jolly laughter. Learn to fake it when your manager cracks a joke in his after-dinner speech.

K: Kevin from payroll. The spotty one you are daft enough to kiss behind the filing cabinet after too much warm white wine. Believe me, he will still be spotty tomorrow.

L: Lechery. See Groping or Innuendo.

M: Monopolise. What not to do in conversation, no matter how hard you want to impress your superiors with your latest achievements.

N: Networking. By all mean “work the room” and get to know new colleagues, but don’t be creepy about it.

O:  Office etiquette. A party is not the place to gossip, whinge, brag or settle scores, so pretend you like everyone, even Trevor from IT (see E above).

P: Pretty secretary. Don’t be silly Darren, of course she doesn’t fancy you.

Q: Queue. What you have to do for the loo, the food and the bar. Get over it.

R: Relatives. Never bring significant others, children or friends to a corporate “do”, in case they reveal something to your line manager you’d rather they didn’t.

S: Silly sweater. Someone has to wear one. (Could also stand for snog, see Kevin above; or sexual harassment charge, see G above).

T: Telling the boss where to go. A career-limiting move.

U: Underwear. This should not be on show at any time during an office party and is not advisable as a Secret Santa gift either.

V: Vacuous conversation. What you will indulge in for most of the evening.

W: Weight Watchers manual. An extremely unkind pressie for your fat colleague.

X: Off-colour or X-rated jokes. Best avoided, especially when talking to the woman from HR.

Y: Younger colleagues. What not to lust after if you are married and over 35.

Z: Zabaglione. A heavenly dessert made of cream and lashings of Marsala wine. You will never, ever get this at an office party.