A mum who was eight weeks pregnant when her partner committed suicide has spoken of her fight to regain purpose in her life, and praised the support of Watford General Hospital staff who helped her through such the turbulent time.

Helen Birch, 36, was pregnant with her third child when her partner went missing last October.

She remembers the moment a policeman turned up at her front door three days later with the dreaded news.

“I knew what he was going to say before he said it because he had his hat under his arm. The moment my life changed forever though was when he went missing,” she said.

“He was of the older generation; he was tough and an amazing man but I think he was scared he wasn’t good enough for the boys, and that we would be better off without him.

“He talked about being unhappy but no more than anyone else. We didn’t report it straight away because he was a grown man but it was a massive shock for everyone.

“When something like this happens, your whole life and soul just goes. You have nothing left in you. I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I couldn’t even sleep, I was under so much stress.”

As if things could not get any worse, Helen suffered numerous health problems during the coming months, including a serious bleed at Christmas time which could have led to the death of her unborn child.

However, largely thanks to the maternity team at Watford General Hospital, she came through unscathed and gave birth to baby Gabriel in April.

“We have got a long way to go but we’ve gone so far. Without the support of that medical team I don’t know where I would be but I wouldn’t be here,” she said.

“The care was tailored to me. They pared back about 25 appointments into one and gave me my own room. I couldn’t deal with all the happy families around me.

“The mental health professionals were completely aware of my situation. They could see how it was affecting me but the team were just amazing – they held me together.

“I can’t praise the care enough. I want women to know that they can get that care and not be scared to ask for help.

“Gabriel was born a month early but he was an incredible bouncing baby boy. He’s a blessing – he saved me from drinking to cope with it.”

Despite spending much of her time caring for her three children, Helen is determined to use her experience to help other women who have suffered similar anguish.

She has started putting together the first semblance of a book focused on trauma during pregnancy, and is also currently training to become a “breastfeeding peer support volunteer” at the Watford hospital, adding she cannot wait to be “let loose” on the ward at the start of December.

“I just want women to know there are people out there who will look after you; they care for you. I can’t wait to get back on the wards and start helping people. Breastfeeding has given me a whole new life.

“For a long time I had no excitement or emotion. Now when I think about the future, I get a little bit of feeling back in me.”

As well as the medical professionals, Helen was helped through her darkest hour by her own family, notably her two older children - Ellie aged 9 and Connell just 2.

Speaking to Ellie I am struck by her maturity and the openness with which she talks about a subject so sensitive that, just a year ago, even acknowledging it would have been unbearable.

She had to change schools as a result of the sudden death of her mother’s partner but seems to have adapted to life at her new with aplomb.

“Ellie had to move school because he was found nearby. She was scared to talk about it, scared about making us cry,” said her mum.

“I am really proud of her – she’s done exceptionally well. It must have been really scary because I didn’t know what was going on at the time.

“She would talk to the bump which really helped because I couldn’t even think about the fact that I was pregnant.

“I have got to show my babies that, no matter what happens, you can always make something out of it. They get me up in the morning. However hard it was, it will be worth it in the end.”

Helen and the other 17 breastfeeding mentors will celebrate the completion of their training with a ceremony on Saturday, December 3.