British is better - you can bank on that (From Watford Observer)

British is better - you can bank on that

1:50pm Thursday 20th August 2009 in

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I MENTIONED the French banking system can insert itself up one’s nasal passages. They might make stupid loans in Britain and all but bankrupt the country, and they may make ridiculous charges to help pay for their ludicrous bonuses to employees, but the service is superior.

Seven years back, we called in at the local branch of Credit Agricole and asked to open an account. They informed us we needed our passport and a utility bill with our French address on it.

The next time we arrived with the requested items and asked to open an account. We were told: “Non”. No more, no less. And our passport and bill was passed back to us. It was without doubt the most brusque and rudest treatment we have received at a counter for many years.

At such times one’s less-than-total command of the French language is a frustration. I wanted to inform her we were potential clients and would be placing a hefty sum of euros in our account and that just an impolite “Non” was not bloody good enough.

Ellie, sensing the rising temperature and aware this was the only bank for miles, told me to “shush”, and asked her why. It was explained we also needed to present our English bank statements from the previous three months. This too was delivered in a dismissive tone.

While I did not expect the American approach: how it really hurts to say no, but the pleasure it has been talking to us surpasses all joys. Yet I would have thought a smile and a suggestion that the bank would be happy to be able to open an account, once the criteria was matched, would have been in order.

So we duly obliged next time we were out in France but, in the meantime, we could not pay our utility bills as we did not have a French cheque book.

Later, I had some euros and asked if they could transfer the cash and credit Dave Drysdale. Dave-up-Road, as he came to be known, was cutting our grass fortnightly at The Folly.

The bank checked and yes, Monsieur Drysdale had an account. They took my euros and gave me the thumbs up.

Now that, to me, seemed pretty casual for an organisation that requires so much information before allowing you to put money in their bank. Could they prove they had transferred the money into Dave’s account?

Oh yes indeed. They provided me with a copy of his last 20 transactions of his account, the balance and the fact mine was the last transaction – an incredible breach of customer confidentiality.

I still ask Dave how his business is going, every now and then, apologizing for asking because I have not seen his bank statement lately.

Well, we qualified for opening an account. We could put the money in and they would pay our utility bills by direct debit. A cheque book? That would come later. A bank card? That would come later still.

Their attitude changed somewhat when we converted into euros the proceeds of the sale of our house in Sarratt and transferred it into our new account. That prompted a phone call to England, interrupting me on the golf course, as the local manager attempted to discover if I was a drug baron, laundering money in rural France.

Once established we were investing in French insurance with the proceeds of our house-sale, the cheque book was forthcoming the next visit and a card as well.

“Could I chose my own pin number?” I asked innocently.

This was treated with consternation akin to asking if they gave new customers a 1,000 euro starter balance for choosing their bank.

So we have to recollect our different pin numbers, and they change every time a card is renewed.

However, if you wish to withdraw such as 1,000 euros, you have to show your passport and sign in triplicate. It is the same for the French. If you attempt to withdraw more, you are asked to specify the reason. Perhaps the bank is in cahoots with the police to stamp down on the black economy.

I am also told obtaining a bank loan is a tortuous and long-winded process.

If you go into a Credit Agricole cash-point in a different province, chances are you will not be able to ascertain anything more than cash, and that is if you have a Master or Visa card for the bank.

And if you run out of cheques, you have to remember, it takes up to three weeks for a new cheque book to come through. Can you believe that?