NEW PAK YEE, MAIN STREET, WISHAW Tel: 01698 364908 VALENTINE'S Day. It's up there with Groundhog Day and National Beard Week in the completely pointless celebrations stakes.

Of course, the Moll thinks otherwise, using the second-most commercially-exploited day of the year as a fail-safe indicator of our romantic destiny.

She's hoping that this year I'll break with tradition and whisk her off to Italy for a big pizza pie, shining eyes from too much wine and some amore. But I'm sure a Chinese restaurant in Wishaw will register a close second in her affections.

The Tec-phone was buzzing with news of a great feed to be had in deepest, darkest Lanarkshire.

Hands up, the speedy service impressed this old dog straight away - it's the first time my drink order has been taken before my posterior has hit the seat, never mind having dispensed with winter coat.

The Moll has to stifle a giggle on hearing that the beer isn't draught, but canned."Oh well, when in Rome..." she mumbled. THREE courses, £8.95 each

STARTERS

Fruit juice

Chicken noodle soup

Chicken satay: £4.20

Barbecued spare ribs: £4.20

MAINS

Sweet and sour chicken

Chicken with bamboo shoots and waterchestnuts

DESSERTS

Apple pie and cream

Pineapple fritters

DRINKS

2 pints Export: £5.70

1 pint Tennent's: £2.85

TOTAL: £34.85

There were no complaints from the comprehensiveness - nor price - of the menu selections, with three courses for £8.95 at least suggesting value.

Decanted beer in hand, the Moll decided that she was hungry enough for the set meal and an extra starter of barbecue spare ribs.

I followed suit with chicken noodle soup from the set menu, plus chicken satay to start, while munching on the complimentary prawn crackers.

The Moll was greeted with a precarious tower of delicious ribs; the thick, marinated flesh looked moist and appealing and she got to work on razing the tower to its foundations with both hands.

My Chinese chicken satay was two generous skewers of tender meat, bathed in the rich, nutty-tasting sauce with onions and peppers. Having made short work of the flesh, the sauce was all the more delicious when mopped up with crackling crackers.

Midway through, the piping hot bowl of chicken noodle soup arrived, from which I fished out the succulent chicken in its briny juice, leaving most of the noodles.

Our mounds of steaming fried rice were soon accompanied by hot plates of mains; the Moll had at least eight good-sized spheres of battered chicken, served with a curry rather than sweet and sour sauce as requested.

My main, on the other hand, was a glistening preparation of white chicken, bamboo shoots and crunchy, thick slices of waterchestnuts.

Both meals were utterly moreish, the key to which was their fresh ingredients, as the matriarch of this family diner was keen to point out as our plates were cleared.

Desserts were more than satisfactory - a hot mini-apple pie bathed in cream for the Moll, with that old Chinese restaurant favourite - battered pineapple in syrup - for me. No complaints here, either.

The Pak Yee experience ended with a flourish - a handful of After Eights and a little box of four Ferrero Rochers for the Moll.

"Ah, monsieur, they are really spoiling us," she trilled as we bid a fond farewell.

WHAT TO LOOK OUT FOR: Great tasting, authentic Chinese food that won't break the bank.

WHAT TO AVOID: The decor and forbidding "no cheques" signage could do with a rethink.