Time to change the record

9:14am Friday 16th May 2008

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LIKE a bear slowly rubbing its eyes, taking a deep yawn and strolling out of its cave for the first time after hibernation, it seems as if the Great British Public has finally awoken to the joys of summer.

Windows were opened, central heating systems turned off and legs exposed as glorious sunshine poured down from the cloudless sky on a beautiful Bank Holiday weekend. But alas, as hordes of people relaxed in their gardens or nearby parks, the peace was shattered by the shrill of a white van motoring towards the nearest (and largest) crowd it could find.

Yes, it's the annual return of the ice cream van. Besides pondering the age old brainteaser of Where do they all go from October to May?', we can all now expect to be thoroughly annoyed every time the first notes of Greensleeves can be heard in the distance.

While the role of an ice cream man should be applauded - delivering delicious cold snacks to the overheated masses - could they not just change the record?

Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice or Cold as Ice by Foreigner (classics in the eyes of some, but probably not many) could be worthy alternatives. Other suggestions on a postcard please.

While Watford Mayor Dorothy Thornhill might have received a caution from the Fashion Police for wearing blue for her Liberal Democrat party's election victory last Friday, this was nothing compared to the heavy handed treatment dished out to fellow scribe Neil Skinner at the Three Rivers vote count.

Deciding to smarten himself up, he picked out a dashing red tie and headed to the event at Watersmeet Theatre with pen and notebook in hand, ready to record the reaction of politicans and supporters to the election results.

But on his arrival, the closet socialist's political leanings were dramatically exposed when he was asked to remove the aforementioned tie, for fear its appearance could throw the whole election into disarray.

The staunch left-winger was breaking council rules that forbid staff and visitors to wear the colours of political parties.

Mr Skinner's polite refusal to leave the rebellious tie around his neck was accepted, but the drama deepened when he was given a chaperone for the remainder of his visit.

Just one piece of advice for my colleague then: stick to bow ties, an orange one with pink polka dots. That would be much less political, but more than slightly offensive on the eyes.