10:27pm Thursday 29th July 2010
By Stacy Hart
WHOA!!! I’ve been having lots of moments this week……you know? “THOSE” moments. I’m not quite sure what category they fall under, they could be stupid moments due to jumbled head courtesy of M.E? They could be stupid moments due to being pre-menopausal, or they could be due to me being plain stupid? But I’ll leave that to you…..what do you mean you need longer to decide?.... So it all began when I lost my mobile phone, mum was shopping so I couldn’t even ask her to ring it for me. After taken the lounge, kitchen and hallway apart I crawled up the stairs to begin the next stage of my demolition while muttering obscenities under my breath.
Then I was distracted by the call of nature so I put my phone on the window ledge while I went to the bathroom………STOP!!! Rewind, yes you did hear right. All the time I was searching the house for my phone I had it in my hand, …..and before you ask, yes, I did feel really really stupid. www.afme.org.uk Later, while making me and mum a cuppa tea I couldn’t help thinking it looked rather weak as I peered down through the tea strainer. I stopped to scratch my head and stare at the contents of the two mugs that resembled the colour of chicken soup without the chicken bits in it……and then like a wonderful Homer Simpson moment (I have many) a little voice in my head eventually said “it might help if you actually use a tea bag?”………….ah, now why didn’t I think of that?
That should’ve been enough moments for one week, but no, they just kept coming. While pouring a cup of tea I became distracted (think attention deficit disorder) Boiling Water flowed over the surface splashing my feet below ……OUCH!
Then while dishing up dinner, I grabbed the tea towel and opened the oven door with it but reached in with my bare hand to pull out the red hot plate of food……Double OOOOOOUCH!!!!!!
The toughest one to sort out involved my razor; I was having trouble shaving, not my beard, that was okay, but all the other girly bits. My razor blades seemed blunt even though they were new, it took ages for me to shave anything but I was still red, raw and stubbly, MMMmmmm attractive. I just couldn’t understand why they weren’t doing what it said on the packet. I kept changing the blades but it made no difference. “I think I’ve bought a dodgy batch of blades” I grumbled to my dear ol mum later that evening.
Accustomed to my “moments”, without looking up from her Sudoku puzzle she replied “are you putting them on properly?”……….please, how hard is it to attach a razor blade to a razor? I’ve been doing it since puberty. But just for peace of mind, I wandered upstairs to check. As I stared at the blade I Suddenly became aware of the fact that I’d been putting them on upside down……….D’OH!
Phew!! Moments over with……sort of… During the week it became apparent that I would never make an arsonist, not that it was something I ever discussed with my school careers advisor, but whatevers happened to paper? Why doesn’t it flare up and burn like it used to in the good ol days? What have they done to it? I had a pile of bank statements which I thought I’d set light to for security reasons…..yes for global warming sake I could’ve put them through a shredder, but until the cause of my stupidness can be diagnosed I’m not prepared to end up with one hand…..ever seen a one handed guitarist?
I even volunteered to burn mums for her too, five minute jobby out in the garden, no problem?………….wrong. They smouldered but they would not burn, so I stood there wrapping them in sheets of newspaper, it was like pass the parcel….without the music, anyone to pass it too…or a prize.
It all burnt except the bank statements, I was now like a women possessed, on a mission with lighter in hand, I got smoke in my eyes until they were stinging, I burnt my throat and chest from smoke inhalation, I burnt my finger, my hand and my arm and got chased by a bee, but still the statements wouldn’t burn. An hour later the job was finally complete but it was a very valuable lesson learnt. Now I know they’re virtually fire proof I will be keeping all future bank statements under my bed, just in case there’s a fire, I can lick them and stick them all over myself to escape, call it my contribution to recycling.
My producer’s off to Ireland for two weeks now so I’m not back in the studio until the 14th August to continue working on the trax. The Gospel manna are putting on a showcase at the end of August, open to the public, friends & family. All members get a chance to perform a solo of their choice, pop, country, gospel whatever takes their fancy. www.gospelmanna.com They are also doing a workshop over the summer holidays for 9-19yr olds and they’ll also get a chance to perform at the showcase which will hopefully be a cool incentive for them. As a member it means I’ve also been asked to perform………oh, oh.
See, despite my often super zuber confident exterior this sadly opens up a massive insecurity complex because I no longer think I can cut it with credibility performing in front of anybody, having to face people is a whole world away from the safety of the recording booth and even the thought of doing it kills me.
www.myspace.com/mamachill I think it’s because life has moved on, things have changed, and yet I’ve been stuck in limbo for 20 yrs because of M.E, so I don’t know what I’m capable of anymore. In my head I’d like to think I can still pull it off, but I’m terrified of looking stupid, because I’ve grown up with a number of people expecting me to fail anyway . Even when I’m practicing at home, exhaustion means I often run out of breath and have to stop, or stumble over words and slurr.
The fact is, I was told when I got ill that I would never be able to have or hold down a music career and I’ve fought back to prove that I can, but if I mess up due to symptoms of M.E then it makes what they said a reality, and I guess while I don’t know for sure I still have hope……... I’ve been extremely poorly with pain and other symptoms this week so that isn’t helping with my mental state and why I’m probably feeling and sounding so pathetic ……so hold off on the strait jacket for now. Whoa, time to finish, I’m sharing too much head space lol!
Well my friends, until next Friday, have yourself a lovely weekend whatever you get up to & stay blessed, back before Elvis :) xxx
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