4:53pm Friday 19th February 2010
By Claire Maxwell
1. Tess Daley. She is, without doubt, dead behind the eyes. And when she speaks I find myself subconsciously reaching for the arsenic.
2. People who over-take me when I’m going 40 in a 30mph limit just because I have a learner sticker on my car. I have a good mind to cut their limbs off and make them into soup.
3. Music snobs. I like ‘good’ music, like Oasis and Kings of Leon and other I-go-to-gigs-and-get-high-and-puke-on-my-boyfriends-shoes bands. But I am ALSO allowed to listen to a bit of Chezza Cole, and Steps, and prance around my bedroom singing the line ‘AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII-EEE-IIIIIIII, WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOOU’.
4. Girls with orange faces and white lips and Barbie-like hair extensions down to their slightly-too-stuck-out arse.
5. Phone calls. I am an incompetent, stuttering moron on the phone. Never call me.
6. People who join copious numbers of Facebook groups that are far from humorous and EVEN WORSE, when the title of the group includes one of those heart symbols that make me want to extract my eyeballs from my head.
7. Lady Gaga. She is a ridiculous human being and only one of us can survive while the other one lives.
8. Sending a slightly controversial comment/message/text and waiting for, what feels like, a gazillion years for a comment/message/text back, wondering if you are going to be forced to change your name and leave the country.
9. When I was younger and had friends round and my mum would say ‘Claire, stop showing off’. I have never recovered from the shame.
10. Rimmel's 'Sexy Curves' mascara. I HAVE, ON OCCASION, WEPT WITH ANGER.
So now you know a little bit more about me. Primarily that I am angry. I will perhaps do a 'Stuff I like' post at some point, I have a feeling it may be somewhat shorter.
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