YOU, M.E & YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS? (From Watford Observer)

YOU, M.E & YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS?

10:30pm Thursday 12th August 2010

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By Stacy Hart »

And I thought I was stupid.....no that wasn’t a question. My doctors’ surgery have installed a sign yourself in computer touch screen, WHAAAAAAT!!!!???? So let’s get this straight, there are people of all ages, all nationalities, all with different ideas on hygiene or lack of it, all ill obviously because that’s why they’re at the doctors in the first place, and all touching the same screen?.................someone grab the wet wipes.

Even the thought of it makes me gag. If my appointments late afternoon it means I’ll be touching a screen that’s possibly been touched by people who’ve been picking their nose, coughed or sneezed into their hand, been to the toilet, scratched the top off their acne ……or worse, been handling a McDonalds. I’m not particully O.B.D when it comes to germs, but there is noooooo way you’re gonna get me touching that screen.

It’s compulsory now apparently, the way things are being done to free up the receptionists time, well I don’t care how long I have to wait for her to finish her cuppa and biccies I will be stood at that desk until they sign me in the old fashioned germ free way. Oh, hang on….I don’t actually go anymore, they can’t do anything for me or M.E so I guess I’m alright Jack….phew!

Second topic of the week, My mothers’ friend, a pensioner who lives in a Watford flat by himself was sat watching mastermind one evening last week when he heard an almighty bang. He thought something had fallen over in the kitchen and went out into the hallway to check; where he was confronted by two eastern European men, one clasping a crow bar.

Now thankfully his not a frail pensioner, but a 6ft solid built one, so I guess they must’ve had a bit of a fright when he demanded to know what they were doing, and they both turned on their heels and ran. But what if he had been frail or it had been a woman? It seems burglars are getting so brazen they’re not even waiting for people to be out anymore.

Okay so I’ve been trying to avoid it but I can’t……health….baaaaaaaad. Now there comes a time when all of my ailments come together to try and hold me down and it feels like the older I get there’s more to hold me down…and I know there will be some of you that can relate to that. Any youngsters reading this, shake it, jiggle it, kick it, if its working use it while you’ve got it because there’s no invitation to ill health, once it’s gone its gone.

I have scoliosis…scoliosis? Think hump? Quasi modo? Anyway I have to physically hold myself upright because otherwise I tend to start slumping over, but standing/sitting upright is not the position my body wants to be in, its almost chanting “Quasi, Quasi,” and I have to try and imagine a cord coming out the top of my head keeping me upright.

But it’s quite uncomfortable, like an elastic band stretching. The best way to explain it is when you do some exercise and maybe lift or push a weight with your hands or feet, and it’s hard and your limbs are shaking and you can feel your nervous system shaking? Well that’s what it feels like to keep myself upright all the time. On a day to day basis I deal with it BUT…BUT why is there always a BUT?

When the M.E is bad too www.afme.org.uk and I’m exhausted it’s such a struggle to stay upright, because there’s a million and one other symtoms that come with M.E so it becomes overwhelming, and then throw in the fibromyalgia, causing severe pain in the neck, shoulders, head, top back, lower back……you’re getting the drift huh? And don’t even get me started on the pain courtesy of osteoporosis in my legs…..i just feel like a walking ailment at the moment. “Quaaaaaaaaasi”……hey who said that?

It would be nice to escape from being me for a little while. I did manage to go to choir practice this week which was wonderfull, it’s opposite St Marys Church who ring the bells every 15 minutes “ The bells, The bells, Quaaaaaasi, Quaaaaasi”……………who keeps doing that?.......where was i? oh yes choir practice...

they are such a wonderfull bunch and I know I’ve said it before but there’s so much love and laughter in the room, no matter how ill I am it lifts my spirit and gives me strength to deal with another week, three new people popped in this week, so check out the website, give Susan a bell …D’oh or ring and then come on down and join in. www.gospelmanna.com

I’m in the recording studio today, www.myspace.com/mamachill if my throat is still misbehaving then we’ll just work on mixing the music and I’ll have to leave my vocals for another time, everythings a big deal at the moment, when you’re ill everything’s magnified, I can see myself ending up some bitter, twisted, arrogant, rude, obnoxious, grumpy, mad reclusive old woman…a bit like now, only worse lol!

It sometimes feels easier to forget and be forgotten and by that I mean, for me to stop trying to hang on to false hope of a normal life and for people to forget I exist and get on with their life, some of my family and friends already do that so we’re half way there lol!

Being ill is uncomfortable for everyone not just me, and sometimes forgetting and being forgotten is the best solution for everyone, better than being pitied or seen as a duty or an afterthought anyway. The frustration of being ill every day is enormous, I know I’ll pick up to a better level again but after three weeks at an awful level it seems never-ending.

Imagine popping out in your lunchtime to get some lunch from your local take-away, you’re at the back of the queue, you can smell the coffee, you can see it being poured, in fact you can see the counter laden with muffins, sandwiches, croissants and chocolate cookies but the queue never moves and you never get to have your lunch. You probably already know a few queues like that huh? Well, That’s what living with this is like, I can see life, I can hear it, I can smell it, I can feel it, but just never quite get to live it, and I’m hungry for it.

I’m just wondering whether reading my blog this week has had any of you stabbing yourself in the eye with a blue biro having giving up the will to live? Oh well it’ll make good viewing on youtube and I’m okay really, in fact I want to leave you with a happy image of me skipping around barefoot in the back garden in a pink baby doll outfit, carnation in my hair, & singing the sound of music.

Talking of carnations, mega thanx to blog reader Maureen, not only for coming in every week without fail and leaving a comment but for also sending a huge box of pink carnations and roses to me and my mum to cheer us up, what a surprise to open the door and find a huge box on the doorstep, I was hoping a 6ft fit bloke with a six pack might pop out, but beggars can’t be choosers so flowers will do……..I’m a woman, we’re never satisfied lol!

Thanx also to Mike Ribble for suggesting the Oxford companion to the Bible, I’ve finally got round to ordering one, but in the meantime I’m crusiing through the real thing and haven’t accidently on purpose lost it down the back of the bedhead yet.

I hereby declare that I will try and have my mojo back by next week and save you poking out your other eye, but as my health is in the hands of the gods I can’t promise. So til next week, take care, have a good weekend & stay blessed, back before Elvis xxx

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