YOU, M.E, A HO, HOE OR HOE? (From Watford Observer)

YOU, M.E, A HO, HOE OR HOE?

10:24pm Thursday 26th August 2010

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By Stacy Hart »

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Wait, don’t go clicking off thinking this is about Christmas, it’s not ho, ho, ho, as in “Muuuuuuuuum there’s a fat man in a red suit stuck in the chimney” it’s not even “one man went to hoe went to hoe a meadow” well what’s a mow or a hoe between friends? But it is a hoe as in garden hoe…..confused? Well so was I when my mum came back from the town last Saturday armed with one….for me. She was quite pleased with herself as she pulled it out the car and beamed “I managed to get you one from Wilkinsons in the end love, it was a bit difficult lugging it through the town but I didn’t mind seeing as it was for you”...........

“Right, I said, trying to look enthusiastic…Mmmm a hoe……can I just ask why”?

“You asked me to get you one” replied mum looking a bit miffed.

“Nope not me” I assured her….i would’ve asked for half a pound of bon bons from Watford market, cheesecake from Marks and Sparks, photo paper from Poundland, but not a hoe. We were both frowning at each other suspiciously at this stage, it was like a scene from an old western movie, we stood back to back, took ten paces then swung round, her armed with a hoe, me a bottle of volvic, and as we stood there I began to wonder how the hell she’d got it into her head I wanted one.

Then it hit me….no not mum with the hoe, the mix up. The day before we’d been having a conversation, only trouble is they were two different conversations, mum was talking about going up the town and asking if I wanted anything, and I was telling her about the recording studio and how women aren’t portrayed very well in hip hop, they often look like hoes.

In urban terms it means loose woman, although it can also apply to a man……and so my friends this is where the mix up began, somehow, somewhere, something got lost in translation and the bottom line is I have now acquired a garden hoe, it’s not very hip hop looking, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers.

So her birthday arrived on the Monday but she wasn’t feeling that happy about it, so to cheer her up i started the day by whacking on the Stevie Wonder track “happy birthday “ and dancing while miming. There was butt shaking, moonwalking & slide shuffling…..by which time I was thinking “how long does this song go on for?”

Eventually I dropped to my knees having given up on the leg movement, it was now just arm waving and finger pointing…….it’s got to be the last chorus right?.....wrong… another chorus and another ….by which stage I was crawling towards her on the floor like I’d been shot (Probably should’ve been) hand outstretched. Mum was crying with laughter, when I suddenly realised I’d just used up my mornings worth of energy courtesy of M.E and had to go back to bed for a couple of hours…oh well, all in a good cause. www.afme.org.uk

My friend Brenda had invited us both round in the afternoon for cream tea, she’d warned me she was going to be baking scones, and let me tell you Brenda bakes the best scones you can eat, but when we arrived she’d really gone to town, it was like the Ritz, only we didn’t have to dress up and it was free.

The table was laid out with a white linen tablecloth, matching napkins and a dinky cake fork, there was a stand in the middle of the table with the infamous scones topped with strawberry preserve (jam to you and me) and clotted cream on top, there was also homemade banana cake and round cakes with icing & marshmallows. There was a teapot and cups and saucers and a milk jug and a matching bowl with sugar and a silver spoon resting on the side. Brenda invited us to tuck in, and I didn’t need to be invited twice.

After nattering and scoffing we waddled into the lounge and nattered some more before coming home, mum armed with a scone, chocolates and a sunflower.

It was on the news about that pathetic woman who’d been caught on camera putting a kitten in a wheelie bin. The police say they’re not going to be charging her because she’s done nothing illegal……..huh? Cue flood gates me thinks ……The kitten could’ve died, it was only found 15 hours later by chance when someone thought they heard a faint cry, but the law is basically saying it’s absolutely fine if everyone goes around the neighbourhood dropping kittens & puppies into wheelie bins….....

and why stop at kittens & puppies? Why not add babies and small children to the “it’s okay” list? Woo Hoo In fact I know a few kids that could do with a stint at the bottom of a wheelie and it’s the summer holidays so there’s plenty to choose from. Seriously though, why is the kittens’ life of such little value? Do we have to wait for an animal to die before someone gets more than a slap on the wrist? Once again we’re back to consequences…or lack of them in this country and I for one am disgusted.

Musically I’m still beavering away, crawling under the bed and every nook and cranny trying to find bits to sell on EBay to help pay the studio fees so I can continue with recording the album as an when my health allows. How much do you reckon I’d get for a mother? Don’t be tutting at the screen; desperate times call for desperate measures. On a positive note, she scrubs up well; the downside is she doesn’t come with an off switch …….ah, I didn’t say MY mother, I said A mother……but SShhh don’t tell her.

I’ve been getting some really awesome worldwide feedback recently by band managers, producers, artists and the general public, the more my “Lowdown dirty raw N street” track seems to be getting played the more publicity it seems to be generating which is encouraging.

It’s been a slow burner but that just about sums up my whole musical journey really, although it doesn’t really matter how long it takes, if my time ever comes at least I’ll be ready for it……unless I’m in bed M.E’d with exhaustion of course, in which case I’ll miss it…..but hey, won’t be the first time I’ve had to miss out on an opportunity and it won’t be the last…I just have to grab the ones I can. www.myspace.com/mamachill

www.gospelmanna.com

I’d love nothing better than to tell you my health is restored back to normality but it’s not, it’s the same, just different day, different week, the illness is endless but all I can do is hold on to hope, it might come, it might not, but I need to believe there’s a possibility at least.

I hope you all have a good weekend….oh and to my neighbour Jane, better hide your wheelie bin and lock up the kids and ya kittens…..no, on second thoughts I love your lot. And just in case anyone’s thinking of calling in “Age Concern” I promise I am not selling my mother on EBay……the AD section of the Watford Observer maybe, but not EBay…..so until next week, stay blessed, back before Elvis xxx

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