Last summer a friend of mine moved her mother-in-law into the family home so that she wasn’t alone and could be looked after.

But her teenage son is struggling with his grandmother being there 24/7. She always has a suggestion for how he should be doing something or a question about how he chooses to live. Not dramatic but a regular “you shouldn’t do it that way …” and “what did you do that for?”

He sees her interest in him as interference and her suggestions as complaints.

Why am I writing about a teenager and his grandmother?

Because it doesn’t sound so very different to when some clients talk about their boss or colleagues!

And I can guarantee that 99 per cent of the time, the boss or granny is trying to help and the member of staff or grandson’s perception is that they are somehow “having a go”.

So, what to do?

To the grandmother or boss: count to 10 before you tell them how to do it your way.

Let your staff or relative do things their own way if the outcome is the same. You may put the tea into the mug before the milk but does it really matter? You talk through your plans with the team but they send an overview for the team to comment on; is it the end of the world? If the outcome is the same then let them get on with it - without comment!

To the employee or grandson: count to 10 before you respond.

Don’t choose to be irritated! You can choose to thank them and ignore their advice, or thank them and change what you are doing, but more often than not you being irritated won’t affect them nearly as much as it will affect you. Something you are seething about for days your boss has probably forgotten about within an hour of it happening.

You can replace any of the roles here, it could be the boss annoyed with a member of staff, a colleague irritated by another colleague, a mother by her daughter. Whatever the relationship, think about whether it really matters if something is done differently and choose not to be irritated.

There is a reason that we were told to count to 10 when we were little: it really does help.

Does it work for you? Let me know at questions@partnerswithyou.co.uk.

  • Sally Hindmarch is a communication skills specialist and runs Partners With You, a company that helps people improve the way they come across at work