Dull is the new cool. Even Ms Markle is getting in on the act (not to be confused with Ms Marple as one of them is a meddling busybody and the other is a fictional character) as she is pictured wearing double denim.

Previously the reserve of the redneck or petrolhead, such attire is so on trend that you can class yourself as a fashionista if you manage to drag that bin bag of Levi’s out of the attic for a celebratory resurgence.

Despite attempts to remain ‘cool’, I have finally succumbed to the fact that I am in fact dull, yet, boringly, I am at one with that. With age you find that not just some but most people are unreliable or have other more pressing arrangements, nay, excuses, to save undertaking ‘interesting’ activity with you.

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Just this last weekend I had plans scuppered on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday as each of this fun co-conspirator’s friends baled. Maybe they just don’t like me anymore, it’s hard to say, but when you get blown out as their car is covered in bird poo and ‘desperately’ needs a deep clean or they must wait in for an Amazon delivery, you know you are on a hiding to nothing.

But then dullness intervenes: instead of enjoying a cold shandy, riding my bike, or attending an exhibition, I instead sat in the summerhouse and watched back-to-back episodes of Grand Designs, rewired a spotlight and cleaned the green gunk from my glasses with a toothpick and all was well with the world.

I then, during a lull in the excitement, logged on to my new favourite Facebook group, Dull Men’s Club. Now totalling a less than mundane 22,000 members, I found kindred spirits as I realised I had just spent an hour on the Hush Puppy website and not, as had been a staple for many a decade, salivated over a new pair of Air Max.

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The group is awe inspiring in the pursuit of dull and has left me with the realisation that I have a long way to go until I can be classed a fully fledged dullaton. I found a video from ‘Adrian’, which is up there in the dull name stakes, which showed his taking the cover off a microswitch. Mesmerised, I scrolled down and found someone with a penchant for lettuce sandwiches, a proud owner of a beige Austin Allegro, a debate over the merits of Brut v Old Spice and ‘Chris’, who was frothing at the mouth as he vented his spleen publicly over why the public call train stations ‘railway stations’.

Music is also a large growth area on the site as the aged chino wearers unite in tales of their one-man missions to the local charity shop in order to out do each other with the bargains. From ‘The Very Best of’ Ken Dodd, to Val Doonican (who should really be the poster boy of dull), to the crème de la crème: a Roger Whittaker box set.

Its fair to say that the site has, in large part, made me re-evaluate my life. I haven’t been downhill mountain biking in Wales since the start of the year and I wondered if now is the time to instead cash in on my beloved Mondraker and take up ‘magnet fishing’ instead. Having researched it during reruns of Antiques Road Trip, I took the plunge and purchased a 435kg double sided magnet with rope and grappling hooks for a bargain price of £33.99.

On the day it arrived I read the story of the dull-sounding ‘Nigel’, who managed to close a road off for six hours as the police and bomb squad dealt with a grenade he fished out of the waters. He also claims to have dredged out 100 bullets and 13 guns, which leaves one believing Nigel is the armaments equivalent of Angela Lansbury as everywhere he goes there seems to be trouble.

Watford Observer:

Actually, on second thoughts, the locating of firearms and weapons may be even more exciting than mountain biking, so I think, for now, I will ingratiate my daughter Millie and her friend Gracie as I direct the magnet from the sidelines, and fully immerse myself into the world of dull down by the canal this weekend. The zip up boots and cardigans are coming, but for now I can be thankful that the next time I double denim up for a trip to local garden centre, I am cool as I ever was or ever will be.

  • Brett Ellis is a teacher