As most of us have given up lots under recent governments including opinions, hope, finances, and the will to live, we can add to that list the ability to remain relevant or ‘cool’.
I am in a unique position in my employ to spot ‘cool’.
Added to that, there were, for a fleeting moment in time, ‘cool’ things I got away with in my youth: baggy shorts, wacky hairstyles, piercings, and even shaving lines in my eyebrows and tramlines on the side of my head - and I wasn’t laughed at in public for any at the time.
But now I have handed my cool badge in.
Some, however, never learn: we know the types, the great-grandfather in his 80s who wears Nike Air Max and a Fubu tracksuit to the Co-Op to buy the latest copy of Gardeners’ World magazine.
‘Cool’ is about the fine margins, however - wearing a pair of Lidl trainers as a geriatric is remarkably cool, but the three stripes are not.
Some people manage to hang on to the cool badge long into their infirm years, but there are really only limited ways through the door: playing an instrument, in particular a lead or bass guitar, as opposed to being an octogenarian bassoon or French horn player.
Another golden ticket is the ability to dance.
Older men have a free pass at a wedding when, unlike a nightclub or bar, younger women feel obliged to humour the old codger and when he proves he can shuffle with the rest of them, he becomes TikTok famous despite not having a clue as to his online virility.
I guess being ‘cool’ is about being 'true to thineself', and staying relevant in your own way.
Do things because they bring you enjoyment, as long as they don’t harm anyone else and that is where the issue lay: if I were to wear a mankini out on a Saturday to the local pub with my wife, it would affect her, and that harm therefore makes it uncool.
So, there’s the nub: embarrassment.
I often say dad jokes which offend my daughters or wear a pair of ‘crepes’ that are too young for me, or even throw in words like ‘crepes’ when speaking to teens which I do on purpose as I want to be uncool as, when you age and become as self-effacing as is possible, being uncool is really the new cool, isn’t it…?
- Brett Ellis is a teacher from London Colney.
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